Obesity, the Ultimate Weapon of Mass Destruction

I am moving slower than I had hoped, between Rolla, Missouri and Joplin. I will write about mileage the next time because I really don't know where I am. Missouri is a large and lovely state, and she provokes my thoughts in all kinds of directions. Today, I am fixed on the problem of fatness in this country. I have personally struggled with weight since I hit 100 pounds in fourth grade. When I was a teen, there were no fat chick shops. If you were not a size 7 or 9, you had very few choices of clothing, so we dieted. We ate a lifesaver and a piece of double-mint gum for lunch. We learned to eat yogurt, cottage cheese, lettuce and celery. Exercise/sports for girls had not hit its stride. Yes, there was cheerleading for those girls with abnormal anatomical assets. But, these gals had to pay for all of their uniforms and pom poms, while the jock straps they were cheering for had everything provided. What the f**k? But, I digress. We are a very fat nation. We are paradoxically obsessed with eating and with being thin. The cover of most "family" magazines have an article like "6,994 cupcake recipes" and one for "Lose 10 pounds in fourteen minutes." We are a mess.

These are my suggested solutions:

1. If you are fat, your kids are probably fat too. You need to cancel your cable and get a membership at the Y. If you do not have kids and you are fat, you are probably an unhappy person who needs to get off of the couch and move around a whole bunch. Get a membership at some gym. Go there and find one machine you can get on and burn calories. I love my exercise bike, but you can choose from the elliptical, recumbant bike, treadmill or rowing machine. Give yourself 6 to 9 months, 4 or 5 days a week, sweating for 45 minutes to an hour. Nobody cares if you are fat. Most people will look at you and see that you are trying to not be fat.
2. Do not eat or feed your family these foods: Cheetos, Spam, Velveeta, Hi-C, Yoo-Hoo, Pork Rinds, Double Stuff Oreos, Twinkies/Ho-Hos/Ding-Dongs/Snowballs, Vienna Sausages, and, anything purchased at a gas station.
3. If you are poor and fat, eat these things: oranges, apples, rice, beans,eggs, celery, sweet potatoes, popcorn (the kind you make yourself, not pre-made or microwave 'cause these products are full of crap), carrots, greens, baked skinless chicken thighs, potatoes, oatmeal, milk, peas, whole wheat bread, bananas,
4. Dance.
5. Drink Water.
6. Don't think it is okay that you can buy fat chick/guy clothing everywhere. The clothing industry is in cahoots with the fast food and processed food industry. This triad wants you to exceed your caloric needs on a regular basis, causing you to seek out clothing in Omar-the-tent-maker sizes. When something says 2X it really means: "We love that you are fat, because we can sell you more fabric.
7. Accept the fact that these terms are not funny, but rather tragic: Cankles, camel toe, FUPA (fat upper pussy area) and muffin tops.