I've finally made it to Joplin, Missouri. Wow. Not sure why I was in such a hurry to get here. I won't be staying long. I am sure that Joplin has a fascinating history and any cool nooks and crannies, much like my birth city, Schenectady, New York but, I'm moving on. Oklahoma bekons.
My total mileage on Route 66 is now 508 miles.
I'd like to put my two cents in regarding another world problem before I say goodnight. How about health insurance?
(and I'm stealing this from one of my doctors) there are three tips which will reduce anyone's need for health insurance: 1. don't smoke, 2. don't drink and drive, and 3. don't try to commit suicide.
Good Luck on this one, President Obama.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Thighs That Ate Missouri
As of today, I am 22 miles east of Joplin. A few days ago, I came through Springfield, MO. I'll post a photo of me there tonight or tomorrow. I'm thinking that I should making a future trip through all the Springfield's in the US of A. A connect-the-dots caper.
I have been watching the Olympics. These are my gut reactions: 1. Luge does not seem worth the risk. It doesn't even look fun. 2. I don't like that pussy thing on Apollo Ohno's chin. 3. Those sawed-off Asian figure skaters just don't do it for me. 4. The compulsory Tango ice dancing was BORING, and, 5. Ice hockey makes sense to me.
If I could roll back the years and be an Olympic athlete, I would speed skate. I definately have the thigh meat for it. See my photo.
Today, I offer my thoughts (and suggestions) for the abortion issue in this land of ours:
Abortion is a lot like prostitution. It has been around forever, it is happening now, and, despite everything, will continue to happen.
I think that pro-life sorts should focus their do-gooder energies on unwanted, unplanned, unloved, abused, and neglected children.
To prevent abortions from being substitutes for birth control, I suggest the following:
1. Parents, don't sent your daughters to school looking like whores,'
2. Parents, teach your sons how to use condoms, and,
3. Parents, get your daughters on birth control at 18 (earlier, if they are likely to be doing it or thinking about doing it). Even if they aren't active, the pill will help with cramps and zits.
I should hit Joplin in a few days.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Obesity, the Ultimate Weapon of Mass Destruction
I am moving slower than I had hoped, between Rolla, Missouri and Joplin. I will write about mileage the next time because I really don't know where I am. Missouri is a large and lovely state, and she provokes my thoughts in all kinds of directions. Today, I am fixed on the problem of fatness in this country. I have personally struggled with weight since I hit 100 pounds in fourth grade. When I was a teen, there were no fat chick shops. If you were not a size 7 or 9, you had very few choices of clothing, so we dieted. We ate a lifesaver and a piece of double-mint gum for lunch. We learned to eat yogurt, cottage cheese, lettuce and celery. Exercise/sports for girls had not hit its stride. Yes, there was cheerleading for those girls with abnormal anatomical assets. But, these gals had to pay for all of their uniforms and pom poms, while the jock straps they were cheering for had everything provided. What the f**k? But, I digress. We are a very fat nation. We are paradoxically obsessed with eating and with being thin. The cover of most "family" magazines have an article like "6,994 cupcake recipes" and one for "Lose 10 pounds in fourteen minutes." We are a mess.
These are my suggested solutions:
1. If you are fat, your kids are probably fat too. You need to cancel your cable and get a membership at the Y. If you do not have kids and you are fat, you are probably an unhappy person who needs to get off of the couch and move around a whole bunch. Get a membership at some gym. Go there and find one machine you can get on and burn calories. I love my exercise bike, but you can choose from the elliptical, recumbant bike, treadmill or rowing machine. Give yourself 6 to 9 months, 4 or 5 days a week, sweating for 45 minutes to an hour. Nobody cares if you are fat. Most people will look at you and see that you are trying to not be fat.
2. Do not eat or feed your family these foods: Cheetos, Spam, Velveeta, Hi-C, Yoo-Hoo, Pork Rinds, Double Stuff Oreos, Twinkies/Ho-Hos/Ding-Dongs/Snowballs, Vienna Sausages, and, anything purchased at a gas station.
3. If you are poor and fat, eat these things: oranges, apples, rice, beans,eggs, celery, sweet potatoes, popcorn (the kind you make yourself, not pre-made or microwave 'cause these products are full of crap), carrots, greens, baked skinless chicken thighs, potatoes, oatmeal, milk, peas, whole wheat bread, bananas,
4. Dance.
5. Drink Water.
6. Don't think it is okay that you can buy fat chick/guy clothing everywhere. The clothing industry is in cahoots with the fast food and processed food industry. This triad wants you to exceed your caloric needs on a regular basis, causing you to seek out clothing in Omar-the-tent-maker sizes. When something says 2X it really means: "We love that you are fat, because we can sell you more fabric.
7. Accept the fact that these terms are not funny, but rather tragic: Cankles, camel toe, FUPA (fat upper pussy area) and muffin tops.
These are my suggested solutions:
1. If you are fat, your kids are probably fat too. You need to cancel your cable and get a membership at the Y. If you do not have kids and you are fat, you are probably an unhappy person who needs to get off of the couch and move around a whole bunch. Get a membership at some gym. Go there and find one machine you can get on and burn calories. I love my exercise bike, but you can choose from the elliptical, recumbant bike, treadmill or rowing machine. Give yourself 6 to 9 months, 4 or 5 days a week, sweating for 45 minutes to an hour. Nobody cares if you are fat. Most people will look at you and see that you are trying to not be fat.
2. Do not eat or feed your family these foods: Cheetos, Spam, Velveeta, Hi-C, Yoo-Hoo, Pork Rinds, Double Stuff Oreos, Twinkies/Ho-Hos/Ding-Dongs/Snowballs, Vienna Sausages, and, anything purchased at a gas station.
3. If you are poor and fat, eat these things: oranges, apples, rice, beans,eggs, celery, sweet potatoes, popcorn (the kind you make yourself, not pre-made or microwave 'cause these products are full of crap), carrots, greens, baked skinless chicken thighs, potatoes, oatmeal, milk, peas, whole wheat bread, bananas,
4. Dance.
5. Drink Water.
6. Don't think it is okay that you can buy fat chick/guy clothing everywhere. The clothing industry is in cahoots with the fast food and processed food industry. This triad wants you to exceed your caloric needs on a regular basis, causing you to seek out clothing in Omar-the-tent-maker sizes. When something says 2X it really means: "We love that you are fat, because we can sell you more fabric.
7. Accept the fact that these terms are not funny, but rather tragic: Cankles, camel toe, FUPA (fat upper pussy area) and muffin tops.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Failing Schools: Why not just nuke 'em?
I've been in New York for the last five days, so I have had to do my Route 66 mileage on the fly. I have managed to finish 36 miles (a rotten case of flu slowed me down) leaving around 95 miles until I reach Joplin. Nonetheless, I have been giving lots of thought to another of our nation's serious issues, Education in the United States, and offer the following ideas to the severely misguided, misinformed educational leadership of this country:
1. First, we must agree to throw out the notion that our schools are integrated. They're not. I do not have one white child in my third grade classroom, but the communities just a few miles south of the one in which I teach do not have any children named Jamal or Pedro.
2. Second, we must all accept the fact that the only really valid reason to subject children to standardized testing is so that real estate agents have the statistics they need to sell homes.
I'll have to finish this later. My plane is boarding.
I'm back at home, no problems with the flight, except for the fact that when you do the self check-in thing, they ask you if you want all of these upgrades, like, 6" of extra leg room for $39 and stuff like that. It's probably not long before we'll have to pay extra for seat cushions and oxygen masks.
More solutions for Education in the United States:
3. So-called failing schools need the tools to make up for what the children don't get from home, like their affluent peers:
A. Year-round school, and I don't mean three months on and one month off. I mean 44 weeks of school: Oct - Dec., two weeks off, Jan. - March, two weeks off, April - June, 2 weeks off, and, July - Sept., two weeks off. (Right now, the kids in my school are in session around 177 days or 35 weeks.) With my plan, they'd get another 9 weeks of school and not have the 3 month lag of summer during which they tend to forget everything. Teachers who don't like this should be invited to go pound sand.
B. Class size should be no more than 20 students. I don't give a f**k what research says, in schools with at-risk students, there should not be more than 20, and 15 would be ideal.
C. All kids in these so-called failing schools should be given breakfast and lunch, no questions asked, no lunch tickets, no frigging forms that parents have to fill out. For Christ's sake, feed these hungry children nourishing meals and stop dicking around with the paperwork.
D. Bring back God-damn Dick, Jane and Sally, or their multicultural counterparts. Our reading programs have become so ecclectic, basic learning-to-read books are not to be found. Kids are so confused.
These are the primary solutions I offer. Other ideas include: free English instruction for parents, field trips to museums, factories, historic sites, forests, nature preserves, businesses, plays, concerts, etc., all the kinds of places that poor kids never get to see, and art/physical education and music education on a regular basis.
We can afford to do these things, and we should be doing them.
I think I will have to lighten up tomorrow and tackle obesity.
1. First, we must agree to throw out the notion that our schools are integrated. They're not. I do not have one white child in my third grade classroom, but the communities just a few miles south of the one in which I teach do not have any children named Jamal or Pedro.
2. Second, we must all accept the fact that the only really valid reason to subject children to standardized testing is so that real estate agents have the statistics they need to sell homes.
I'll have to finish this later. My plane is boarding.
I'm back at home, no problems with the flight, except for the fact that when you do the self check-in thing, they ask you if you want all of these upgrades, like, 6" of extra leg room for $39 and stuff like that. It's probably not long before we'll have to pay extra for seat cushions and oxygen masks.
More solutions for Education in the United States:
3. So-called failing schools need the tools to make up for what the children don't get from home, like their affluent peers:
A. Year-round school, and I don't mean three months on and one month off. I mean 44 weeks of school: Oct - Dec., two weeks off, Jan. - March, two weeks off, April - June, 2 weeks off, and, July - Sept., two weeks off. (Right now, the kids in my school are in session around 177 days or 35 weeks.) With my plan, they'd get another 9 weeks of school and not have the 3 month lag of summer during which they tend to forget everything. Teachers who don't like this should be invited to go pound sand.
B. Class size should be no more than 20 students. I don't give a f**k what research says, in schools with at-risk students, there should not be more than 20, and 15 would be ideal.
C. All kids in these so-called failing schools should be given breakfast and lunch, no questions asked, no lunch tickets, no frigging forms that parents have to fill out. For Christ's sake, feed these hungry children nourishing meals and stop dicking around with the paperwork.
D. Bring back God-damn Dick, Jane and Sally, or their multicultural counterparts. Our reading programs have become so ecclectic, basic learning-to-read books are not to be found. Kids are so confused.
These are the primary solutions I offer. Other ideas include: free English instruction for parents, field trips to museums, factories, historic sites, forests, nature preserves, businesses, plays, concerts, etc., all the kinds of places that poor kids never get to see, and art/physical education and music education on a regular basis.
We can afford to do these things, and we should be doing them.
I think I will have to lighten up tomorrow and tackle obesity.
Monday, February 8, 2010
folla me to Rolla
As of Sunday, Feb. 7th, I would have made it Rolla, MO. While there, I would have stopped into the iconic Route 66 establishment, Totem Pole Trading Post. I would have stocked up on some authentic, Native American souvenirs, made in China. I'd also grab some Big Red gum, Yoo Hoo, and beef jerky to keep body and soul together. I would then have 161 miles to go til Joplin, 10 days of 16 miles each. I've already done two of these ten, so, 8 to go. As I trek across the heart of the Show Me state, I will solve the problems of the world. First, I tackle:
GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!
As I look out the window at the February Fury snowstorm, blowing my raw, red nose every minute or so 'cause I have a wretched cold, global warming seems a remote threat. But, I believe it is happening. I also believe that we have a snowball's chance in hell of fixing it. We've abused this planet to such an extent that it will be like bailing out the Titanic with a spoon to set things right. So, why not look for the silver lining? #1. The sun will eventually burn out, so won't a warmer planet give LIFE ON EARCH a bit of an extension? #2. Don't we need the fresh water in them there glaciers. Melt away!! #3. Guys, (and many gals out there), bikini season will last forever.
In my next installment, I will explain how education in the United States can be fixed.
GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!
As I look out the window at the February Fury snowstorm, blowing my raw, red nose every minute or so 'cause I have a wretched cold, global warming seems a remote threat. But, I believe it is happening. I also believe that we have a snowball's chance in hell of fixing it. We've abused this planet to such an extent that it will be like bailing out the Titanic with a spoon to set things right. So, why not look for the silver lining? #1. The sun will eventually burn out, so won't a warmer planet give LIFE ON EARCH a bit of an extension? #2. Don't we need the fresh water in them there glaciers. Melt away!! #3. Guys, (and many gals out there), bikini season will last forever.
In my next installment, I will explain how education in the United States can be fixed.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
What's With All This Cake?
Today, Tues., Feb. 2, Groundhog Day, and, my hubby's b-day, I biked as far as Stanton, MO, right around one of the most celebrated Route 66 sites, Meramec Caverns. This would put me around 54 miles west of St. Louis. According to everything I've read, Meramec Caverns is one of the most "enjoyable and charming roadside attractions along the entire Mother Road." They charge 20 bucks to get in. A bit hefty, don't you think? Apparently, these caves have been Jesse James' hideout, saltpeter mines, dancehalls, and have held craft shows, chamber of commerce meetings and Easter Sunrise services. Still, I would definately shell out the money and check the place out. As long as there is a gift shop, I can endure anything.
Before I forget, there are some more folks I want on my moon mission: The Jonas Brothers, and, anyone who has ever danced in Michael Flatley's River Dance. Let them try to do that shit in low gravity.
It looks like I will be trekking across Missouri for the better part of February, so my musings will become weirder than usual. In fact, I would like to comment on President Obama's State of the Union address this past week. He continually refers to "Americans" meaning, we all know, citizens of the United States of America. But aren't Canadians Americans? Mexicans? Columbian's? Peruvian's? Argentinians? This frosts my nuts.
Another problem I am having lately is this obsession with cake on television. There seem to be about 10 programs devoted to cake baking. Ace of Cakes, Cake Disasters, Cake Boss, Cake Challenges, on and on, ad naseum. Here is my list of cakes that would be worth getting baked:
1. A fully loaded cat litter box cake
2. A cross-section of a colonoscopy cake
3. A Jerry Springer Cake (all entries must include an obese woman in spandex, with a camel toe, a bony-ass redneck with a doggy leash, and, a primordial dwarf)
Heading for Rolla.
Before I forget, there are some more folks I want on my moon mission: The Jonas Brothers, and, anyone who has ever danced in Michael Flatley's River Dance. Let them try to do that shit in low gravity.
It looks like I will be trekking across Missouri for the better part of February, so my musings will become weirder than usual. In fact, I would like to comment on President Obama's State of the Union address this past week. He continually refers to "Americans" meaning, we all know, citizens of the United States of America. But aren't Canadians Americans? Mexicans? Columbian's? Peruvian's? Argentinians? This frosts my nuts.
Another problem I am having lately is this obsession with cake on television. There seem to be about 10 programs devoted to cake baking. Ace of Cakes, Cake Disasters, Cake Boss, Cake Challenges, on and on, ad naseum. Here is my list of cakes that would be worth getting baked:
1. A fully loaded cat litter box cake
2. A cross-section of a colonoscopy cake
3. A Jerry Springer Cake (all entries must include an obese woman in spandex, with a camel toe, a bony-ass redneck with a doggy leash, and, a primordial dwarf)
Heading for Rolla.
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